I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this year I’ve tried to keep it more “real” here at In an Irish Home. This all because my brother once commented after casually stopping by, “your site is nice but where’s the truth about what’s really going on behind your hall door?”
{Ouch! That kind of smarted. Using my blog’s tag-phrase against me! Leave it to a family member to really tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.}
Like so many bloggers, I focus almost exclusively on the nicer side of life through stories and photos. It seems, however, that all this nice-ness is causing a ruckus. Women, especially, are feeling inadequate trying to live up to all the perfection they read about in blogs and on Facebook, and see on Instagram and Pinterest {especially during the holidays}.
Personally, this new way of beating ourselves up leaves me scratching my head and thinking a lot about the conversations I have with my two young daughters about bullying and meanness and insecurity. Is it really the intention of these online journalists {myself included} to make others feel bad about themselves?
I think not.
If you visit In an Irish Home regularly, you know I am not perfect all the time. My children, our home, and our life are not perfect all the time. Heck, it’s not even true some of the time.
Case in point, here are just a few of the things I am not perfecting in the days leading up to Christmas:
1. My house. The “public places” {the spaces I’d let you see if you called in unexpectedly} are decent enough but the rest looks…well…in utter disarray! That’s as nice a term I can use to describe what feels like total chaos.
2. The Christmas cards. They are not yet sent. This year I ordered them from Tiny Prints (in America) and they completely screwed up the shipping. So, our family tradition of sending cards in time for the holidays has been “destroyed”. Yes, I know it’s a strong word but that’s exactly how I feel and what I said to the Tiny Prints manager when I spoke with her last week by phone. I quote, “Your company has single-handedly managed to DESTROY a tradition our family has kept for nearly 15 years now. A 25% discount is not good enough, thank you…nor is your second offer of a 75% discount. For DESTROYING our family tradition, your company should reimburse me 100%!” In fairness, they did. I’m still not happy.
3. The presents. There’s a stack of presents still waiting to be wrapped {even though I’ve wrapped a little bit every day for two weeks} and I’m starting to think it may be just good-enough to scratch off the price tags and stick a bow on the packages. The wrapping paper is only going to be ripped off and recycled on Christmas morning anyway…is it REALLY necessary to make them look pretty with festive paper? Oh the waste of time and money and energy!
4. The Christmas pudding. I haven’t made an Irish Christmas pudding this year and now it’s too late. The tradition of making a pudding in Ireland begins way back in November or, at the very least, early December. Now I’ll have to rush out and pay for one that’s been mass-produced in some factory…not very Martha Stewart or Rachel Allen of me.
5. Feeling joyful. In the last few days, I realised that I am feeling joy-less. Even with all the decorating done and the biscuits baked, and the gifts bought and in the post, I don’t feel a sense of real joy in our home yet. I think that because of all the decorating, wrapping, creating, baking, shopping, and hosting I have done with military precision, I have lost the true spirit of the season…Joy-full-ness!
And there you have it…the short list of all the things I’m not perfecting. I could go on but why bore you? The bottom line is there’s no perfection in our home. And, I suspect there’s none going on in anyone else’s home either.
Despite what we may see and read on the internet, none of us have any idea what’s going on behind the key tapping/lens of anyone’s public persona.
Let me share with you one last thing about “keeping it real” before I let you go…this morning we learned that a very dear friend of ours passed away during the night. Her adoring husband and three beautiful children have spent the past month saying their goodbyes and preparing themselves for her death. We all hoped it wasn’t really going to happen and none of us expected now. But it has.
Our hearts are broken for the loss of this friend. She was a good…kind…honest person. After a recent surgery, I called her for a chat. When I asked her what mattered most she told me simply, “family and friends”.
Not career. Not lifestyle. Not perfection…or Christmas presents…or clean house…or cards…or Christmas pudding. When our friend pared the meaning of life down to its simplest expression, what really mattered most were those she held dear. She told me life was too short to worry about the rest.
So, I’m leaving you today to find and create real joy with my little family. My wish for you and yours is that you find what’s real for you and you keep it close… now and the whole year through.
Happy Christmas!
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In an Irish Home 
Dear Kim, Thank you for keeping it real. I’m lying in bed, wondering how all the ‘busy-ness’ of today can be managed and still create time and space for the people and things which really matter. I try to make time to take stock/pray each day, sometimes it happens and sometimes not.
It is 6.58 am on Christmas Eve. The wind is howling. I am working this morning in a small equestrian shop in the village. Brian will look after Sorcha and collecting the meats from the butchers etc. One of my brothers will bring Granny down this afternoon to spend Christmas with us.
This evening we will go to mass in the Carmelites. I am so fond of them and the space that they create in their home. Sorcha will serve, Brian is carrying the baby to the crib , and I will sit and wonder where the last few years have gone. We will have closed the door on the messy bits of our lives and soak in the season for family and friends.
Our cards remain unwritten, packages are at the end of the bed to be wrapped. It will happen. Our munchkin will be delighted with as antsy. Granny will enjoy lunch and company, and then sleep through whatever film is on the tv to gladden our hearts. When the ‘busy-news’ is over, we might remember to be joyful…
Fond regards to you and your family. Best wishes, Sheelagh, Brian & Sorcha
Sent from my iPhone
Dear Sheelagh…how very lovely to hear from you! I am smiling, ear to ear, reading your note!! You and I shared the same Christmas feelings…isn’t it good to know we’re not alone?!! Your Christmas spirit and Christmas tooings and froings sound ideal and remind me very much of our own. When all is said and done, the beauty and joy of the holiday isn’t in the trappings but in taking a moment to stop and realise how magical it is that we are alive and able to do any of the things {or not do any of the things} we are capable of. Through your words, I can hear the wind howling, I can see the shop you work in, I can see Brian and Sorcha collecting the meats, and I can most assuredly see Sorcha’s Granny coming to the house. Mass with the Carmelites must have been so very special, particularly watching Sorcha serve and Brian bring in the baby Jesus! I understand and feel it all! We too enjoyed the day: had the grandparents over visiting, ate well, and watched a movie. In the end it was bliss-FUL! Thank you for writing and for sharing your Christmas with me. A big hug to you, Brian and Sorch and love from all of us to all of you too. xoK
Well said. From Boston: May the true spirit of Christmas be in your heart. Thank you for posting…and reminding us of what’s most important. Happy Christmas.
Dear Julie…I don’t know how you found In an Irish Home but I’m so glad you did! I’ve just gone over to your blog and had a quick read {such fun}! I started with your very first post and went on through from there. My goodness, you’re falling in love with your Irish-ness, which is exactly what happened to me. In my case, however, I married an Irishman in Ireland, lived there a few years only to truly discover {also through my mother’s gift of Ancestry.com} that my father’s family’s roots were also Irish {we always knew my mom’s family was from Cork and the North}. In fact, my ancestors lived less than an hour away and are buried less than an hour away from our home. I remember the first year I knew this information, I was digging up potatoes in our culinary garden, and the strangest sensation came over me. My ancestors {being mostly Catholic} would be tickled pink to see one of their “own” return to Ireland and be digging up her very own disease free and delicious potatoes on her own plot of land! I’m probably not writing this to you very well but it struck me that my ancestors would not have had a big home in the country…they would not have been free to plant and keep their crop…and they left this very green country for fields unknown in the hope of having such dreams. Sadly, some never made it to America. I, for one, am glad to be in Ireland. I am thankful for this connection found to my lost ancestry. I like to think they are smiling at seeing one of their own “living the dream”. I encourage you onwards and applaud you for your searching for your Irish ancestors. Keep digging…the records are there. Keep writing about it too. And, if I can be of any help, don’t hesitate to reach out. All the best! Kim
Thank you Kim. I appreciate your words of encouragement, and you are right: I am getting in touch with my Irish-ness. (I’ve always felt much more connected to my mom’s Italian family, but that is partly because we lived closer to them and spent much more time with them.) Now I’m reading all about the history of Ireland and looking for corn beef and cabbage recipes! It’s been quite a journey, and it’s not over. There is still much to find. (It’s a bit surprising how little we know about my dad’s family – hence the search.)
It’s funny you speak about your ancestors and how happy they would be to have you in Ireland, doing so well. I feel a great deal of ‘nostalgia’ over all of it. Nostalgia may not be exactly the right word, but you know what I mean to say. And I feel like my great, great grandparents are smiling down on me saying, “You found us!” It’s such a sad story, and I have to believe that they most likely would’ve liked at least one chance to go back to Ireland to see their family. It was a tough life – I can’t forget that.
Thank you, again. I’ve really enjoyed the few posts of yours that I’ve read. You’re a really good writer.
Happy New Year. All the best to you and yours!
Julie (Barry) Haroutunian
There are websites dedicated to “pin interest fails.” Since we were on the move over the holidays we definitely enjoyed the “your presence is the present this year.” And “health is wealth.” Lots to be thankful for: our health, ability to travel together and able to go on a family adventure over the holidays. I’m embracing the postive energy vibes. And condolences to you and your family friend on their recent loss. Thank you for all the recipes and blogs this year. I’ve enjoyed reading!
Hi Helen! So glad you’re enjoying the holiday with your family. Can’t wait to hear all about it. Much love, K
How very true…So sad about the loss of your dear friend. May we always remember what is truly important and that our perfection lies in the humanness of imperfection. I love you my dear and treasured friend…
Thank you so very much for your thoughtful and kind words, Dawn. I love how you put things “our perfection lies in the humanness of imperfection” – lovely. I used to be a “perfectionist” but, a few years ago, I stopped trying. I’ll never be perfect…all I can hope for is to my best and let it go. It’s a lesson I’m trying to teach our girls! I love you too. Thank you for writing. I value your thoughts and your friendship more than you know. xoK…P.S….when are you going to start a blog on your love of all things Italian?! 🙂
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[…] Honesty | Jottings and Writings 132. To Tell You the Truth, a Tanka Poem | I Had a Pearl 133. Keeping it Real at Christmas | In an Irish Home 134. Daily Prompt: Truth or Dare | Ma rubrique à brac 135. Daily Prompt | Truth or Dare | A Room […]