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35 Ways to Stay Socially Connected During Covid-19

Posted in Kids' Activities, Parenting, Share the Joy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 11/04/2020| 4 Comments »

In my wildest dreams, I never thought I’d be blogging about a pandemic. Yet here we are…smack in the middle of Covid-19 and it is testing humankind in a way we haven’t been tested for 100 years. To fight the novel coronavirus in our counties, cities, states, countries, we have to act as one and shelter-in-place. In other words, in order to stem the number of deaths we may face, we have to social distance.

We have to hole up with our family, with roommates, or as singletons for the greater good of our species. And, as easy as that is to say/write, it’s not something we humans are particularly good at. We are, most of us anyway, social beings.

So, what can we do to protect the collective and stay well? That is the question that I, as a mom, have been pondering for the past few weeks. As connection is so important not just to my family, but yours too, here are 35 tips I have found on how to come together while staying apart.

  1. At home, get creative about staying positive: call, email, write a letter or send a card. Leave a note in someone’s door or mail box or on their doorstep.
  2. Use Skype, Zoom, Whatsapp, Houseparty, Hangouts, and FaceTime to see one another
  3. If it’s safe to do so, set up a “gate” chat or “driveway” chat with neighbours.
  4. Set up a gratitude message board either in the kitchen or by mobile phone {texting, WhatsApp, iPhone, Facebook, Instagram} where every one can post a message or send a message to share something they are grateful for.
  5. Set a group daily challenge. It could be a healthy habit, a mindful practice, a creative pursuit, a new recipe. Check in daily to stay motivated.
  6. Set dates and times to watch the same TV shows/movies with others and message one other your thoughts along the way… I’m enjoying Derry Girls and Ozark, both on Netflix, right now. Netflix Party is a new way to watch Netflix with friends online. You need Chrome to access this service but it sounds like a great way to host and watch movies with friends everywhere.
  7. Join a local social media group. This will keep you up to date with what’s going on directly around you. It may also include ways you can perhaps reach out and connect with someone less fortunate than you and ways to assist them.
  8. Younger children might enjoy learning how to draw with Lunch Doodles with Mo Willems. Mo is a best-selling author and illustrator and he is teaching drawing every weekday on YouTube.
  9. Help younger children, teens and college-age young adults cope by giving them extra attention and reassurance.  Watch news together and talk about what you’re viewing. If someone feels overwhelmed by what’s they’re seeing, allow them to step away and then circle back and talk about what’s not sitting well with them.
  10. Check-in and share feelings so everyone knows it’s ok to be anxious, nervous, scared.
  11. Involve everyone in home management chores. It’s easier to stay positive when you have a job that’s important to everyone.
  12. Seek professional help if you are concerned.
  13. Watch a live concert, take a virtual tour of a museum or join or start an online dance party. Yo-Yo Ma, via Instagram, the Seattle Symphony and others are finding news ways to share their services during these challenging times. Enjoy free live broadcasts of the symphony from the comfort of your own home. You can learn more about upcoming concerts and how to watch these live broadcasts here.
  14. Many museums around the world are now offering digital access to their collections. The Louvre, Guggenheim, the National Gallery of Ireland, the British Museum of London, the Musée d’Orsay in Paris, the National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art in Korea, and the MASP in São Paulo are all available to tour online thanks to their own efforts or through Google Arts & Culture.
  15. The Metropolitan Opera in New York City is offering free nightly live opera performances.
  16. The DJ of Boogie Down productions fame, DJ D-Nice is hosting house parties on Instagram. He calls it Club Quarantine! Tag your friends. Tell me about your experience at the party.
  17. Coldplay front man, Chris Martin, is the curator of the annual Global Citizen festival. He launched the “At Home Together” series with an Instagram live video, during which he played several of the band’s hits and spoke to viewers who are in isolation during the coronavirus outbreak.
  18. Billboard Magazine has compiled an enormous list of quarantine music events online to watch on their website.
  19. The Kennedy-Center offers a wide variety of free videos of live and on demand performances and educational activities online.
  20. Join an online game, bookclub or discussion group. Discussions groups, found on sites like SeniorChatters, offer a way for older adults to engage in different topics online. Use these tools to meet other seniors from all over the world and discuss your favorite hobbies.
  21. If you’re a reader, Celadon Books shares their five favorite book clubs that you can join online.
  22. Play games online. Whether you prefer cards or board games, it’s easy to now play a favourite games online. Websites like Arkadium.com offer a variety of card and board games that you can play with others or on your own. You can also download apps on your phone to play games with others, like Words with Friends.
  23. Little ones might enjoy watching Storyline Online, on Youtube, a children’s literacy website created by the SAG-AFTRA Foundation, which provides free storytelling videos and resources for parents and teachers to foster a love of reading in children. The website features an expansive library of videos of new and classic picture books read by well-known actors and actresses like Viola Davis, Chris Pine, Lily Tomlin, Betty White, and James Earl Jones. In a style akin to Reading Rainbow, stories come to life with dynamic voice performances and animated versions of original illustrations, encouraging children to see reading as a transformative imaginative experience. Arnie the Doughnut is read by Ireland’s one and only Chris O’Dowd.
  24. Save with Stories, started by Jennifer Garner and Amy Adams in partnership with Save the Children and No Kid Hungry, is offering stories on Instagram and Facebook to provide fun and education to kids and parents stuck at home during the coronavirus outbreak.
  25. Audible has launched a free collection of audiobooks for children. Amazon’s Kindle is offering two free months to its unlimited ebook service for new users.
  26. Broaden the mind and take a class. Ivy League schools have made nearly 500 online courses free to keep individuals occupied while stuck indoors. The online courses can be found on Class Central and include subjects in mathematics, programming, personal development, education and more.
  27. Coursera, an American online learning platform, started by two Stanford professors, offers classes for free that are taught by top instructors from world-class universities and companies.
  28. Move your body and quiet your mind. Joining the Fitness Blender community, and others like it, will give you the chance to take free classes and stay healthy. Fitness Blender, in particular, offers 600+ workout videos and an online network of fitness-friendly instructors.
  29. Meditate with Headspace, is a guided meditation service, being offered for free through the Headspace app. The programs include meditations, sleep and movement exercises which you can listen to any time.
  30.  Core Power Yoga, a popular yoga studio chain in America, is currently offering free online classes through its Core Power Yoga On Demand platform. The classes are pre-recorded and range from 30 minutes to up to an hour long. The studio is also offering online guided breathing practices and meditations.
  31. 305 Fitness, one of NYC’s most popular dance-cardio workout classes is now offering free cardio dance live streams twice a day on YouTube at noon and 6PM EST.
  32. No Peloton bike? No problem. In response to Covid-19, the Peloton App is opening up to new users for a full 90 days. The app, which includes at-home bootcamp, outdoor, and running workouts. After 90 days, there is a fee, so be sure to mark your calendars.
  33. Food feeds the soul…and the empty stomach. Learn the basics, and not so basics, of cooking in all forms from online experts. Massimo Bottura, for example, is teaching from his new Kitchen Quarantine classes on Instagram. Also, Chef Thomas Keller takes us inside his own kitchen while teaching technique and recipes on Instagram. Chef Jose Andres does the same with his #recipesforthepeople. Irish chef, Donal Skehan has his own YouTube channel, if you want to get caught up on cooking Irish style. And while Rachel Allen doesn’t have her own channel, you can find many of her Irish cooking recipes Rachel Allen.
  34. Learn a new language…Spanish, French, Mandarin or even Irish perhaps?! There are online learning platforms offering free language skills including Babbel, Duolingo, Busuu, Learn a Language.
  35. Teach a class. I love to cook and have started using social media as a way of connecting to others who like to cook too. I’m teaching my first bread making class this Thursday to a group of ladies via Zoom. Think about a skill you have and reach out to your family, friends, and social media followers to see if anyone would like to meet up weekly to share or teach a class.

Remember – we are all in this terrible time of Covid-19 together. If we can find creative ways to stay together but stay apart…we have a fighting chance to see a better tomorrow. And, as An Taoiseach Leo Varadkar said yesterday, “We cannot lose focus. What we’re doing is difficult but it is making a difference.”

Stay healthy. Stay safe. And, message me if you have any more ideas.

~ X♥K

 

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Screaming Teens…!

Posted in Parenting, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on 25/03/2020| 6 Comments »

Screen Shot 2020-03-25 at 1.59.25 PMI’m not sure how it started this morning, but as I came into the kitchen, our two teenage daughters were screaming at one another at the top of their lungs. “You took more than your fair share!”, shouted one with clenched jaw and angered face. “Yea?! Well…why can’t you just MIND YOUR OWN business for once?!”, responded the other who then stomped out of the room in a huff. What were they arguing about??? How much scrambled eggs one had put on her plate and whether or not there was enough left for the rest of the family.

So, tell me…how is your family doing?

A week ago, when our eldest daughter suddenly returned home from college, our house went more topsy turvy than normal. We still have a teen daughter living at home…so we’re still used to drifting from one drama to another…but I digress. Our eldest, in her defense, has been on her own for nearly two years, living in college dorms on the west coast of America, and has, more-or-less, been running her life like the emerging adult that she is. Then, last week, her life was completely upended thanks to Coronavira.

Like so many other college students, not only is she having to get used to classes being cancelled or taught online, she’s been quarantined from friends and, almost more importantly, she cannot see her boyfriend. To add insult to injury she, like most others, is being told she can’t go outside unless she’s social distancing, she should keep her bedroom clean and can’t leave stuff all over the house, she should create a schedules for herself and, oh yes, she needs to workout.

Settled into Dorm

Here’s our eldest the day we settled her into her college dorm in America.

If you have a college student who never left home, maybe he or she is used to living with “courtesy” rules, as I like to call them, but I wager a bet that things aren’t going smoothly in your home either. You’re probably finding your young adult is spending way more time then you think is healthy on Netflix or Playstation, staying up late into the evening or sleeping half the day away. Maybe they’ve got pizza boxes up in their bedroom?! My friend, we’re going to have to face the facts, none of us with teens/young adults in our home are going to get through Coronavirus unscathed.

Only five days at home, my oldest daughter was asking if she could p-l-e-a-s-e move out. “I can’t live with you guys…you’re making me crazy!”, she’d say in her more frustrated moments. Said daughter and a group of equally frustrated friends were hoping we parents would all get together and rent them an apartment!!!

My husband, ever the peace keeper, considered, for a split second, that the idea might be a good one. I, on the other hand, just couldn’t see my way past the “entitlement” such a decision would profer. The truth is that many of today’s teens and young adults, have lived a life without much discomfort and this Covid-19 crisis is the first assault to the comfort and freedom.

It took me 24-hours to cool my jets after our eldest daughter lambasted me for trying to set up “house rules”. But, in that 24-hours, I had time to reflect. God didn’t create the universe in a day and we’re not going to teach our teens/young adults that 1) struggles are real and 2) you don’t give up or quit when times are tough. Instead, we find inner reserve, change the things we can change, accept the things we cannot change, and we pivot towards what will work for the greater good.

So, what can we do to help our young adults with the current new normal?

After a day or so, I sat down with our eldest daughter and calmly talked about what was happening for her, us, and the world right now. I asked her to outline what the ideal situation at home would look like. I took notes and we negotiated what feels like a workable solution for her and us. It was good to listen…really listen..to what she had to say. Mostly, she expressed anxiety and asked for compromise. And, in the days since our blowup and chat, things have been better for all of us.

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I’m no expert in parenting nor do I pretend to know how to navigate the return of college-age kids, but here’s some things that are working for us:

  1. Outline the current house rules. Young adults who’ve been away from home or who are more or less used to running their own lives need to know/be reminded how the house operates. In our home, for example, we talked about our need for public spaces to be kept tidy and our daughter talked about her need for us to let her bedroom be whatever it is {messy!!}. The compromise was that both could happen WITHIN REASON. We’d give in to our need for the kitchen, sitting room and dining room to look like something out of an interior magazine…so long as she picked up after herself within an hour or two of being in said spaces. And, we will stop expecting her to make her bed or hang up her clothes every day, BUT she is not allowed to leave food on the carpet {I know…I know!} or have dirty dishes/cups/water bottles in her bedroom for days on end.
  2. Listen to their fears, anxieties, concerns and validate their feelings. As I like to say, “Shrek always says better our than in”. Young adults, like little kids, need to talk…get their feelings out. We need to let our older teens know that it’s ok to talk and cry. We need to acknowledge that “yes” their lives are uncertain right now, but things will get better in time. All kids lack life experience to understand this just yet.
  3. Carve out places for them to study. If the kitchen, for example, is a communal space for eating and conversation, find someplace else in the home that can be used as a quiet study space. A conservatory, unused hallway or guest bedroom, for example, will work in a pinch. If possible, set up a desk (Ikea) and let them have the space they need to study.
  4. In addition to game time, shared workouts, and tv/movie watching together, involve our young adults in watching the news with us. Why? Because if our older kids sit and watch the news with us, it gives them a chance to be informed of the latest happenings in this global pandemic. Knowledge is power. If they hear the same messages we are hearing, they are more likely to understand why “we’re all acting so crazy” {our younger daughter’s comment!}.
  5. Encourage them to use this “gift of time” to do things they’ve talked about/wanted to do or help them find ways to safely help others in the community. I’ve talked with my daughters about doing more cooking and baking, knitting {we’re making prayer shawls}, picking up musical instruments we’ve allowed to gather dust, online scrapbooking, and learning new languages. Hey! You’ve got to find the silver lining in all this…am I right?!
  6. Not get involved in disagreements. My kids argue. They always have. Period. They’re what we call in Ireland “chalk and cheese”. What’s important to them is that we stay out of those arguments…and we don’t pick sides. The compromise for me was that if they start to get loud…I get to say “Girls…take it down a notch.” And that’s what i practiced this morning when the screaming match started about the scrambled eggs. It wasn’t easy but it was kind of nice not to “parent” them through the disagreement. In the end, I was pleased to hear they’d texted one another to apologise.

So, what are you doing in your home to make the transition easier for you and yours? I’d love to know. This is a scary and unknown time. None of us are holding it together all the time. But, you know what, we’re stronger when we work together. Hit me up…let me know what you’re doing that works. Or, if you need to let off some steam, please feel free to do so here. We mums and dads need safe places too.

I’m sending love and prayers for good health and strength to all of you. If you have some free time, drop me a note on this blog or on my Instagram: Inanirishhome.

~ X♥K

 

 

 

 

 

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Room to Grow

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , on 08/10/2018| 12 Comments »

Screen Shot 2018-10-06 at 3.10.44 PM

Good morning and happy Monday! I know it’s been a little quiet around here lately. I took the last few months off to spend with my sweet family…especially my eldest daughter {photo above}, who graduated from secondary school in June and then recently left for a college on the west coast of America.

As you can imagine, the past few months have been filled with lots of emotion in our Irish home…and by that I mean way more than would normally be the case with one mother and two teenage daughters living in the same house!

With each passing day, we held on to one another a little bit tighter and squeezed as much fun out of life as we could. Here are a few snapshots of our recent memories; I’ll write about some of them in greater depth in the coming weeks.

First up, for mid-term break, we flew to Hawaii with dear friends to soak up some sunshine. This was our first trip to Kaua’i. The weather wasn’t much better than it was back in Ireland at the time, but we loved the relaxed feel of this gorgeous island.

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Then there was a sweet event at which my husband walked our daughter “down the aisle” so to speak. Oh my goodness…it was a vision of what her final “white dress” occasion might be like!

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Next up, a girls trip to Arches National Park in Moab, Utah. If you haven’t visited Moab, do consider it for your bucket-list. From Ireland there is no direct flight to Salt Lake City, but don’t let that stop you. Utah has a number of state and national parks that are amazing {and if you are going that far, I suggest you check out Colorado too}. The Delicate Arch, under which we are standing, is an 18-meter, 60-foot-tall, freestanding natural arch. Hiking out to this point at sunset was just one of the highlights of this quick girls trip.

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Then there was a best-friend graduation trip to Rome. How cute are these two? They’ve been friends for twelve years!

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And the Debs…!

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And, finally, before we knew it…it was time to say goodbye.

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Letting go of this sweet girl wasn’t incredibly hard…it was just incredible AND hard. She was ready for her next adventure and we are happy she has more room to grow.

Through the tears and the hugs and the laughter and the heart-ache, we’ve had an amazing couple of months. Now each of us is adjusting to our “new normal”.

I’ll end today’s post with some wisdom passed along from both my grandmother and my mother-in-law. Their advice has served me well recently. Maybe they will be helpful to you too either now or some day. From Mama I learned, “a mother’s job is to let her children go”. Spoken like a true Irish mammy. From Gma El, I learned, “You GO Girl!

~ XoK

Additional Notes, Related Articles & Credit:

* We love Utah as a destination: it’s clean, safe, and full of outdoor activities. Click here to go to the Visit Utah website.

** Moab, Utah is home to two national parks: Arches and Canyonlands. Click here to jump to Visit Moab’s official website

*** Go Hawaii’s official website was really helpful to us as we planned our holiday.

**** Did you see the gorgeous meringue cake I baked for my youngest daughter’s birthday party? You can learn to make it here.

***** And last, but not least, if you’re considering a holiday to Rome, check out Rome’s official website here.

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Las Vegas Concert Shooting: Today I Take a Stand

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , on 02/10/2017| 5 Comments »

This morning we woke to the awful news that yet another mass shooting has taken place in America. The Irish Times reported:

“At least 50 people were killed and more than 400 more injured when a 64-year-old gunman with an arsenal of at least 10 rifles fired upon a Las Vegas country music festival on Sunday, raining down shots from a 32nd-floor window for several minutes before killing himself.”

Immediately, I turned on the television and reached for my computer to learn more and I was {and still am} angry and saddened by the photos of terrified young people…running…leaping over metal railings…hiding behind cars…and…worst of all, lying on the ground covered with blood…not moving.

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Photo by David Becker/Getty Images

This is the deadliest mass shooting in America and the death toll is not yet final. With 400+ people injured we can only pray that God will spare their precious lives. This atrocity follows, by barely a year, what was previously the largest mass shooting in American history…the attack at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida. And it’s not yet five years since the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting that killed twenty-six people in Newtown, Connecticut.

Today I am left wondering…

* What is happening in America?

* Where is the soul of the legislature?

* How many people have to die before laws are changed?

I have never before blogged about anything like this at In an Irish Home, but I today I feel that I should have. As the mother of two teens, the auntie to many more living in America, an American, and the spouse of an Irish person with multiple siblings living in America, I am terrified to sit quietly and do nothing. I didn’t write when Americans were mass killed in a movie theatre, at school, their local mall, or out for a night of dancing. Why? Because I didn’t see the point. What would my one little voice do to change the landscape?

But, you know what? That’s just it. One little voice…be it within America or outside it…becomes a collective…a wave of outrage that cannot be ignored once it has spoken.

It’s easy to put blame on American lobbyists and groups like the NRA for making America a gun-toting, mass shooting nation. It is far more difficult to place the blame on ourselves.

U.S. groups like Moms Demand Action, Everytown for Gun Safety, Americans for Responsible Solutions, the Violence Policy Center, and the Brady Campaign can’t change the gun laws in America alone.

It is quite possible that America can’t change gun laws on its own…and that is another reason why I’m writing today. This is my protest. I am but a single drop…but when joined with millions of others…I am an ocean. And for the record, the U.S. State Department estimates as many as 3.8 million Americans live abroad…like my own…those voices count too. Let us speak!

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Of course, I can only relate the gun laws of Ireland to the gun laws of America to see the difference. And before you write to tell me I don’t know what I’m writing about, let me just say three things: 1) I’m a Texas girl who learned to shoot handguns and rifles while in college and I enjoyed it; 2) I’m not suggesting Americans should not have guns…just that there should be common sense reforms like background checks, banning sales to those on the federal terror watch, etc.; and 3) I know Ireland isn’t perfect…it has problems…mass gun shootings, thankfully, isn’t one of them. Now, let’s take a look at Ireland’s gun laws as outlined at Gunpolicy.org:

“Ireland has some of the least permissive firearm legislation in Europe. In order to possess a limited range of hunting and sport-shooting firearms,1 gun owners must renew their firearm certificates every three years.2 3 Although small arms-related death, injury and crime remain relatively low, rising rates of gun violence and firearm ownership in the Republic ― in particular the possession and misuse of handguns ― have become sources of national concern.4 In 2009, the private possession of handguns was curtailed. Licensing of all pistols and revolvers using centrefire ammunition was capped through ‘grandfathering,’ with new licences restricted to a limited range of small-calibre .22 rimfire handguns and .177 air pistols.3 5 The possession and use of realistic imitation firearms in a public place is prohibited.6 7 Ireland is an active supporter of the United Nations process to reduce gun injury (UNPoA).8”

The laws surrounding Gun Owner Licensing are thus:

“It is illegal for any civilian to use, carry or possess a firearm or ammunition without a valid firearm certificate which correctly specifies the owner, the weapon, the ammunition and it’s maximum permitted quantity. 48 Certificates are issued by a police Superintendent of the Garda for a maximum of three years. Certificates for restricted firearms are issued by a Chief Superintendent of the Garda and carry the same duration49 50…. Applicants must prove ‘good reason’ for ownership of the firearm applied for, and the Garda must be satisfied that the applicant can be permitted to possess, use and carry the firearms ‘without danger to the public safety of security or the peace.’ If the ‘good reason’ for the firearm possession is target shooting, the owner must belong to a police approved rifle or pistol club. Where application is for a restricted firearm, the applicant must have ‘good and sufficient reason for requiring such a firearm’ and must additionally demonstrate that ‘the firearm is the only type of weapon appropriate for the purpose.’ 53 An applicant must provide proof of identification and age, proof of competence with the firearm concerned, and proof of secure storage for weapons and ammunition while not in use. Potential gun owners must, when making an application for a firearm certificate, give written permission for the police to consult a doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist to confirm the applicant’s good physical and mental health, and must nominate two additional referees to attest to the applicant’s character…Firearm certificates should not be issued to an applicant who: is known to be of ‘intemperate habits’ or of ‘unsound mind’; has been convicted of a crime and sentenced to imprisonment for certain firearm-related or terrorist offences; is bound to keep the peace or to be of good behaviour. 56 57 …There is no official ‘cooling down’ period between the time of application and any granting of a firearm certificate59….The Criminal Justice Act 2009 states that all certificate applications must be decided upon within 3 months. If 3 months are exceeded, the application must be considered declined. 49”

If you have stayed with me to this point, let’s take a look at the Irish gun death, injury and crime statistics:

Gun Homicide: Of the 84 homicides reported by police in 2007, 18 (21 per cent) involved firearms – eight fewer than the 26 gun homicides in 2006. 29 Although the rate of firearm homicide in Ireland remains comparatively low (0.61 per 100,000 population in 2006, and 0.41 in 2007), 30 31 gun killings have increased markedly since 1991, when the rate was 0.3. from 1995 to 1999 the firearm homicide rate averaged 0.28. 33 34

Gun Suicide: Of the 8,547 suicides recorded in Ireland from 1980-2003, 725 (8.5 per cent) were completed with a firearm. 35  In the years 2001-05, the proportion averaged seven per cent. 36 If the average number of firearm suicides reported in 2001-07 (33 per annum) remained steady during 2008, the annual rate of gun suicide in Ireland that year would be 0.74 per 100,000 population, 36 31 down from 0.94 in 1991. 37 Gun suicide is six times more common in rural areas than in cities, and 94 per cent of victims are male. 38 Although total suicides (all methods) rose in Ireland from 200 per annum in 1980 to nearly 500 in 2003, gun suicides remained relatively static, averaging 31 self-infliced shooting deaths each year over 23 years, with an annual high of 50 and a low of 14. 39

Gun Crime: In the five years from 2001-2005, the Garda reported 1,690 robberies and aggravated burglaries committed with firearms, for an average of 338 per year. A peak year was 2004, with 428 armed robberies and burglaries. 40 In the years 2003-2007, fewer than one in five gun crimes resulted in a conviction. 41 In 2009, the Department of Justice reported a 31 per cent decrease in crime involving discharge of a firearm, while the number of firearm possession cases increased by 8 per cent. 42

And that’s it. The laws in Ireland are stringent. The result is fewer deaths. It’s not rocket science or the luck of the Irish. It is fact.

Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy, Democrat, issued a statement today: “Nowhere but America do horrific large-scale mass shootings happen with this degree of regularity. This must stop.” Connecticut was the epicenter of the gun control debate after the Sandy Hook school massacre. Senator Murphy added: “It is positively infuriating that my colleagues in Congress are so afraid of the gun industry that they pretend there aren’t public policy responses to this epidemic. There are, and the thoughts and prayers of politicians are cruelly hollow if they are paired with continued legislative indifference. It’s time for Congress to get off its ass and do something.”

Let’s let today be the day every one of us do something. If you are an American citizen, or an expat with a home in America still, call your representatives in Congress and the Senate and do the following:

  1. Tell them your name and that you’re a constituent.
  2. Tell them you’re outraged at what’s happened today in Las Vegas and you want to see change.
  3. Tell them you will hold them personally accountable for the decisions and actions {or lack thereof} that they make going forward.

Thank you.

Additional Notes, Related Articles & Credits:

* Click here to see how your Senator voted in June 2016 for background checks.

** More things you can do to help END GUN VIOLENCE.

*** Why gun silencers threaten public safety here.

**** 4 Gun Control Arguments We’re Sick of Hearing from Rolling Stones

***** While talking earlier today with my eldest daughter about this issue, she mentioned how using humor to disarm the effective filter of the gun control debate is helpful…especially to young people. Leave it to our amazing kids to find a new way around an adult conversation. Together, we sat down and listened to Australian Jim Jeffries’ routine on gun control, which went viral in 2015. If you’re not easily offended by the F-bomb…watch it here…maybe with the young-ones in your home.

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Maple Vanilla Whipped Cream for My College Bound Girls

Posted in Kids' Activities, Parenting, Recipes, tagged , , , , , on 25/05/2017| Leave a Comment »

A glass bowl filled with maple vanilla whipped cream

My girls are growing up fast. So fast {sigh}.

In no time at all they’ll be leaving secondary school {high school} and heading to university.

Where they will go to college is anyone’s guess. Being Irish and American, and practically having been born with a suitcase in their hand, they think globally. Ireland…America…the U.K….or even farther afield..are all options.

And, so, with mixed emotions, I am opening my heart, mind, and our hall door to allow them the freedom to chose what feels best for them. Yes, like generations of Irish mothers before me, I am steeling myself for the eventual immigration of my children.

“But why now?”, I hear you ask. The answer is sweet and simple. Not too long ago, while I was making dinner, my eldest daughter walked into our kitchen and said, “Mom, I’ve got to learn how to cook.”

Even today, as I write this blog post, I can see her, plain as day, standing in our kitchen, hands folded across her chest, earnestly running through the list of things she needs to learn to do before she graduates next year. “And, I need to learn how to clean, do laundry, shop, and drive too! Maybe I won’t be ready for college!!”, she said.

In that moment, I realised, she’s a planner…a worrier…and already thinking about leaving.

With regard to food, she was very specific: “I only want to make easy things…not microwaveable ones…I’ll only eat microwaved food sometimes!”. And then just to be sure I was listening, she repeated, “I just want easy food mom”.

So, in the coming year, starting with today, I will be posting recipes that even a sixth-year student {senior in high school} can make while living under our roof, studying for exams, applying to university, making us crazy, and waiting for their lives to begin.

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First up…Maple Vanilla Whipped Cream. It’s a Cooking 101 recipe. For those of us with more than basic cooking skills, it seems a bit ridiculous to write a blog post about whipping cream. And yet, there is science and creativity to making whipped cream {as anyone who has accidentally turned their cream into butter can attest to}.

And, yes, I know it’s a crime to add anything to Irish whipping cream. Unlike cream in my native country, Irish cream is gorgeous. It has real flavour and needs no embellishment whatsoever. But, since my girls may not end up in Ireland one day {and because, on occasion, we all like to try something new} I’m starting my College Bound Girls blog posts with this incredibly delicious recipe. If you’ve got university bound kids, please share your recipes with us.

And, finally, a side note: the Victoria Sponge pictured above was made by my youngest daughter last week. The recipe will be posted soon!

Maple Vanilla Freshly Whipped Cream

Makes about 2 pints/4 cups

Ingredients

1 pint/2 cups cream

1 tablespoon maple syrup (optional)

1 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

Directions

1. Pour cream into a large mixing bowl.

2. Add maple syrup and vanilla and beat until soft, billowy, peaks form. You may use a balloon whisk, an electric hand mixer, or a stand mixer…whichever you prefer.

3. To test: lift the whisk out of the bowl and turn upside down. If the cream peak holds its shape and falls slightly to one side, you’re done.

Additional Notes, Related Articles & Credits:

* A ballon whisk is very easy to use…and I think the most satisfying. I used a balloon whisk for years, until my sister-in-law, Rosaleen, bought me an electric hand mixer for Christmas. Now I alternate, depending on how much time I have.

**If you use an electric mixer, beat the cream on medium speed, being careful not to over beat. You will recognise over beaten whipped cream instantly by its grainy  texture. To rescue, add a few extra tablespoons of cream from the carton and, using a hand whisk, gently mix it together.

***If you’re out to really have fun, continue beating your cream until it becomes butter!

****You can make whipped cream ahead of time and refrigerate it, covered, for up to four hours before serving.

***** In this video, one Irish dad gets very creative while helping his wife in the kitchen make cream. And, yes, that’s a drill he’s using!

******And, finally, here’s a video of life hacks one of my daughters downloaded to my phone. Just one more example of how they are preparing for adulthood. Be warned this video is addictive.

 

 

 

 

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Letter to a 14 Year Old Daughter

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , on 26/01/2015| 4 Comments »

Today a friend of mine posted a letter on Facebook that was written by a mom to her fourteen-year-old daughter. It stuck such a cord with me, and is such a perfect follow up to the post I did last week entitled “Teen Angst“, that I had to interrupt my Sundance blogging to share it with you.

As my friend Niamh wrote on FB…” (it’s) relevant to anyone navigating the world with teens or preteens.” AMEN to that sister.

Rearing kids isn’t easy. Rearing a teen/preteen is bloody hard work. And, I would do it all again…in a heartbeat…because I love my children.

Thanks Niamh for sending this my way. Amy Foster…you stole the words right out of my mouth.

A Letter to a 14 Year-Old Daughter

By Amy Foster

Dear Daughter,

Right now you are upstairs in your room thinking that life is completely and totally unfair.

The whole world is against you because there is not a single person in it that understands you. You would say that you love your friends, but the truth is that  you love them more on Facebook, Tumblr and Instagram than you do in real life. In real life, you can only handle spending so much time with them before they start to annoy you because, as I mentioned before, no one really understands who you are.

Your room is a pigsty. The clothes that you beg for me to buy you are crumpled in a heap in the corner. When asked to clean – when asked to do anything, really – you roll your eyes (not to my face, because you are smart enough at this point to know that will set me off) because you have a thousand more important things to do like watch Teen Wolf or check your phone.

You are both obsessed with and terrified by boys.

Some days you think you are pretty. Some days you are certain you are the ugliest person on earth. You are sure you are being left out.. of something. Some party, some conversation, some sleepover is happening and you were deliberately excluded because no one cares how you feel. You have every right in the world to be moody because life is hard. Grade 8 is pointless. There isn’t a person alive who hasn’t been able to get into the college they wanted to because they got crappy grades in Grade 8. Mostly though, life is just hard and complicated and difficult and confusing. Despite this, you are never given the credit you deserve for always knowing what’s what. You know what is best for you and there is nothing more irritating than someone else (like me) presuming that they know.

I realize that when I broach these topics with you, you will not hear me. Despite all appearances, you are not a small adult. You cannot reason like an adult and so it is impossible for you to understand that I am trying to help you and guide you and not, ruin your life. This privilege I exert does not necessarily come from biology, it comes from the fact that I have been exactly where you are and I have been navigating this life for a lot longer than you. It is true that everyone has a story, and everyone’s story is unique, but loss, pain, anger, confusion and sadness are universal. These feelings don’t separate you from the world, but rather they bind you closer to it. Someone out there is feeling the exact same way you do right now, including me, my dearest girl, and I am only a few feet away. There will never be and can never be another you, but you are part of a magnificent community of humans. Humanity at times can be brutal and petty and mean-spirited, but that’s never an excuse for you to be that way. You are so much more and so much better than a bad day.

I am not your friend. I don’t care what you think about me. I am not aiming for popularity in our house. Most importantly, we are not equals. Think about it: how can we be equals if you depend on me for everything? If you’re going to take the iPhone, then you have to take my rules. Some people call it parenting. Mercenary me, I call it leverage. When you don’t need me for things, only advice and council, then we can explore a friendship.

When I ask you to do something right now, I am trying to teach you something about success. Procrastination is a dream killer. No one ever became a grand success by doing it later. You’re right, your room is yours. I am less concerned with the state of it than I am of your mind. Ever see a happy person on Hoarders? It sounds ridiculous to you, but a clean space makes it easier to be creative and productive. When you let your room slide, you are likely to let everything else slide too, like homework.

I am not a Tiger Mom. I am not interested in you getting straight As (though, of course, that would be great), I am interested in you doing your absolute best. Sometimes you do your best and you fail, and you need to learn to be okay with that, too. You must learn to be good AT school, so it will be easier for you to be good AT college and AT work. Yes, of course, it’s pandering to a system, but everyone, regardless of status has to work within a system, unless you’re becoming a hermit which let’s face it, is never going to happen. When you become overly concerned with pleasing your friends and making them happy it takes away from your focus, your job, which right now is school. The balance you learn to strike right now will carry you through your entire life where friendships can be vital. But, you cannot rely on a great friendship to buy you a house.

I don’t tell you often enough how beautiful you are. Even though you are stunning, I do guess I do this on purpose. Being beautiful should never be the most interesting thing about you. A girl who relies on her looks is setting herself up to be a woman lost as sea as she gets older. We live in a world where beauty can and will open many doors, but how you choose to open them and what you do inside becomes about character. Character, moral aptitude, empathy, grace- these are the traits that will carry on your beauty far after your looks are gone. You aren’t anywhere near understanding this right now, even though I am trying to lead this charge by example. When you look at me all you see is old, and mom.

Unbelievably though, I was young (and not so long ago, I might add) once, and nothing you can say will shock me. In point of fact, if I was to over share and talk about some of the things I’ve done, or still do actually, on a pretty regular basis with your step dad, it is you that would be shocked. Don’t worry, I would never, because like I said, we are not friends. I promise you this, though: as long as you tell me the truth, you will never get into trouble, though I can’t promise I won’t be disappointed.

Until you have children of your own, you won’t realize the depth in which I love you. I would do anything for you and it is the great irony of life that the person I love most, I get treated the worst by. I am your greatest cheerleader and your biggest fan. Sometimes you scream “Why do you hate me!” when I am doing my job as a mother. You don’t understand that if I indeed hated you, or felt a far more heinous thing, indifference, I simply wouldn’t bother. I would let you get on with it and shrug my shoulders and not say a word. When I stand my ground and open myself up to your vitriol and disregard and general railroading, that, my dear, is love.

The most important thing for you to understand is though you may be convinced otherwise, whatever happens in this crazy, upside down life, you will never, ever be alone. So maybe, just once in a while, will you keep this in mind and be a little kinder to me.

Your ever loving,

Mom

AMY FOSTERview all posts by Amy

Amy S. Foster is an award winning songwriter, author and mother of 3 who lives in Portland. Sometimes. When she needs an escape, she goes to The Heatley Cliff, a pretend Manor house in the English countryside where she can knit, talk to grown ups and watch the BBC uninterrupted. She is lucky to share The Heatley Cliff with her non-sexual life partner Sheryl Zenter, where they podcast every week about their lives as ladies of leisure (and their real lives too, which do not include a staff made up of Helen Mirren and Henry Cavill, but are still pretty cool none the less). You can check out The Heatley Cliff at their website, or find Amy at her website and Sheryl on her Tumblr.

 

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Teen Angst and a Side of Irish Caramels

Posted in Parenting, Recipes, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 20/01/2015| 9 Comments »

Two moms talk about teen anxiety over a cup of tea and a side of caramels.
Recently my friend Niamh and I spent a few hours catching up over a cuppa and some homemade caramel. As you do, we talked about life: our homes and gardens, the people we know, and our children. It’s when we were talking about our children that Niamh said…

“You know…they need to kill-us-off in order to grow up.” 

And for about an hour we talked about what she meant. She’s no stranger to teens, my friend Niamh. She has three and she is surviving. I, on the other hand, have only one at the moment and, some days, am barely hanging in there.

Don’t get me wrong, we have our moments of greatness. But for the past year-and-a-half, those are becoming “occasions” and not “the norm”. What happened to my sweet girl with the great belly laugh, who used to say, “thank you” and “I love you” and “look what I made for you Mama!”?

I miss that girl.

Sometimes I secretly wonder if she’s been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night and replaced with a girl who looks like ours but is often surly, angry, insensitive, self-centered, and entitled.

In the past year I have thought “is it us?”…have we done something to change her? Are we too controlling? Have we become her bully…always passing judgement on the way she looks, how much time she spends on social media or how she never seems to buckle down and just get her flippin’ homework done at night?

Screen Shot 2015-01-19 at 8.40.44 AMThanks to Niamh, I am starting to look at our teen angst differently: they need to kill-us-off in order to grow up. Clearly we’re not talking about grab the kitchen knife and stab us in the heart kind of “killing”. We’re talking about the “separate themselves from us” kind. Either way, it is slow and painful for us. And, in reality, it’s not fun for them either. In pushing us away…our teens oscillate between wanting their independence from us and wanting to depend on us, which makes for an intensely confusing time.

Case in point…the other day our daughter was complaining about 1) not being able to find her gloves; 2) having to get up at 6am for school; 3) sharing a bathroom with her younger sister; and 4) being forced to eat a hot home-cooked breakfast before going to school…all this grief before 7am. Then, in the car, she says to me, “Mom, I wish I could go back to being young again so I didn’t have so much responsibility.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or to throw my arms around her and give her a cuddle. She’s up before the sun, faces a tough day at school, plays sport, comes home after dark, and then has at least two to three hours of homework. On the weekend, she’s got more sport and more homework. Thanks to peer pressure and social media…she’s also got to stay up-to-date with Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat and Vine. My husband and I think she’s relaxing when she’s looking at her computer but, in reality, she’s scanning those pages much the same way we scan The Irish Times, The Sunday Business Post, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. It’s fun but it’s also work.

Screen Shot 2015-01-19 at 8.34.37 AMKilling us in order to grow up…that’s what our teens are doing. If we want to keep our teens close in the years ahead, we’re going to have to pick our battles. I don’t mind telling you that I sought out some professional help on this one. My recent visit to a therapist taught me that we need to decide what we want in the long run. Do we want our kids leaving home one day “thankful to be gone” or “looking forward to calling in”? The other piece of advice I was left with is this: let them fail…let them make mistakes. Sounds simple but it bloody well isn’t!

Our daughter goes to a fee paying school and I can tell you that when she chooses to blather away an hour rather than study for an important test…I see red! When she doesn’t turn in a homework assignment or paper she’s completed because she’s forgotten to put it in the right place and she can’t put her hand on it…I feel frustrated by her disorganization!! When she’s roaring and shouting at me because she can’t find something in her room in the morning (because it looks like a nuclear bomb went off)…I want to shout back…”THEN CLEAN YOUR ROOM WHEN YOU GET HOME!!!” None of these reactions are helpful to her or me.

My friend Moe recently said to me…”When my son gets frustrated and starts shouting, I imagine that we’re at the train station, walking along the platform. His destination is Crazy Town and I don’t have to get on the train with him. I can let him climb aboard and wave to him from the safety of the platform.” I like this imagery. Now, when our daughter starts getting puffed up and cross, I try to remember what Moe said…she’s headed to Crazy Town and I don’t have to go.

Screen Shot 2015-01-19 at 9.00.10 AMRaising a teen…be it a son or a daughter…is not easy. I think it’s helpful to realise these years are not easy for them either. In the heat of the moment, let’s remember why they are killing us off (hint: they have to grow up)…and be sure to pick our battles carefully (so what if his/her room is a mess)…and stay focused on what we want our relationships with them in the future to be like (positive and loving)…and let them fail (failure leads to success)…and, finally, remember the phrase “Next stop Crazy Town” (you don’t have to get on board too!). Then and only then will we all survive in one piece. Lastly, be thankful for dear friends who remind us that, though it may kill us, our kids will grow up. Now…where are those caramels?

Vanilla Caramels

Ingredients

225g (8oz) salted butter

225g (8oz) granulated sugar

4 tablespoons treacle or golden syrup (light corn syrup)

1 teaspoon vanilla

400g (14oz) tin of condensed milk

8x12in baking sheet, lined with parchment paper

Directions

1. Line baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.

2. Melt the butter is a heavy-bottomed saucepan (about 8″ wide) over a medium-low heat.

3. Add the sugar and then add the treacle or golden syrup.

4. Add the vanilla and stir until well mixed.

5. Add the condensed milk and stir constantly until the caramel is a rich golden brown colour. To know if the caramel is done cooking, use a candy thermometer. When the temperature reaches 118ºC/245ºF, you’re done. To confirm, fill a small glass with ice cold water and drop a tiny amount of the hot caramel syrup into the water. Pull the cool caramel from the water and check the consistency. The caramel should be firm but pliable.

6. Carefully pour the hot caramel syrup onto the baking sheet. Using an off-set spatula, quickly spread the caramel syrup to desired thickness. Let cool completely.

7. When caramels are cool, lift them off the baking sheet and onto a cutting board. Cut the caramels into candies with a sharp knife. If the caramels stick to your knife, spray your knife with nonstick cooking spray.

8. Wrap the caramels in wax paper a little longer than the caramels, twisting the ends to close. Caramels will keep at room temperature for about two weeks.

Additional Notes, Related Articles & Credit:

1. 15 Sites and Apps Kids are Heading to Beyond Facebook from Common Sense Media.

2. Teen drama overload article at NPR.org.

3. Irish Whiskey Salted Caramel Recipe at Cheese and Chocolate

4. This New York Times article that came out on October 11, 2017 is brilliant: though, having been in the trenches as long as I have, it could have gone into even more depth. It’s well worth your time to read it, however.

5. Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation is another recent article, from The Atlantic, that is worth reading. And, this continuing conversation over at NPR.org with the author of The Atlantic article, Jean Twenge, is good too.

 

 

 

 

 

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